This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
