Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
