good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't turn off my feet"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
