I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
