dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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