Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
