You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
