i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
