batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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