I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
