She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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