that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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