We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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