We're like a lot better than the average bears
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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