No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
