shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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