I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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