break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
