Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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