Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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