SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
