Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
