Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize