Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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