He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize