My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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