If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
