why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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