just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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