I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize