I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
