But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
