why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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