Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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