I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My friends, they love my intelligence
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
