I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
