@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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