Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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