how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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