id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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