I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
