i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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