I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
