Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
