You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We have started to decorate penises.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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