I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he fucked my hip out of place.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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