tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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