I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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