I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need a beard to bite.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
