I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
