He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
