I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you never un-have a 4some
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
