i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
