just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
