I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
