You smell like a Billy Joel song
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
