she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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