Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
