Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
