you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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