I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i dont even know how to be here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
