Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
