Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you would pick up someone in the library
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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