Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
