are you still at the devil's house?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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