I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
