I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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