So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
