one two three fourrrrnication!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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