I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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