since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I believe in your delicious
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
