I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
